A hard Dogs Night

I wake up from a deep sleep with dogs breath. My dog JOK is two centimetres from my face.

OK, this tells me that its time to get up, feed the horses and let the chooks out from their fox resistant compound. Foxes pay regular visits at the chook house. We have lost several chooks recently to foxes.

The usual for JOK in his morning routine is to go with Lou on a morning walk or run depending on who Lou is meeting with that morning, then on his return, he would wake me up to do the chores and see Lou off to work. At this stage I’m usually harassed continually to get up or he’ll jump into bed with dirty feet.

One morning in particular, I heard some continued barking from outside. This meant that I had to investigate as he was not going to let up. I opened the front door and saw that there was movement in a distant position near the top of the hill. The small reddish brown figure stopped and defied the barks with an arrogance which could only be identified as an older and experienced fox. I reached for my binoculars to investigate closer. As I verified my suspicion, I confidently said “OK get him then JOK”.

I watch from a distance, the fox criss cross its own path sending JOK round in circles as it watches from a higher rock. I see JOK lose the fox’s trail for a while then suddenly the fox is spotted and the chase is on again. The fox and JOK both disappear into the surrounding bush. I hear a familiar bark which beckons me to investigate. I follow the bark and arrive at the scene. There I see a maimed fox using the shelter of a fallen tree as cover. I trim down a sizeable branch from the tree to use as a club, then I move in to complete the job. I take a swing and at that moment, JOK dives in for the kill. Unfortunately for JOK, he beat me to the target and I connect JOK on the top of his head with my intended killer blow. This sent JOK reeling back in a momentary daze. I don’t know how he was not detrimentally affected but I turned and reassured him that I didn’t mean for him to be hit. The fox was not running away because it was already fatally maimed with a wound to the abdomen. So I told JOK to stand back as I finished the job.

I enjoy the confidence that I can leave JOK unattended at the sailing club with the car door opened as Lou and I take time out, for about an hour, and go for a sail on Jindabyne lake. JOK is very communicative in his own way and with his antics it would not take much time for anyone to understand his behaviour and sounds.

Fast forward to Early Friday morning last week. I am woken from a deep sleep, the dresser is shaking…. what the?? I peer over the end of the bed …. there is JOK on his side, legs running and he is foaming at the mouth. I’m in disbelief, what to do….? I can only clear things out of his destructive motions, for now.

Three hours later JOK’s running legs subside but he is still twitching and dribbling. Thank goodness he is still breathing. He has no strength left and it seems as though he is paralysed. If you have ever experienced taking the sporting field and playing for forty to forty five minutes then doing it again the second half for the first time in the season, then can you recall, how long did it take you to recover from that?

Lou rushes JOK to the vet as soon as it is opened for business. The vet assessed him and prepares us for the worst. He offers to monitor JOK’s condition with the hope to find some improvement but fears he may have some permanent brain damage from the extended seizure. Late that afternoon a call from the vet confirms a faint sign of improvement but he still has some paralysis and can barely swallow. The vet recommends to take him home for the weekend and continue medication with the view of monitoring his condition in further hope for more improvement, but gives no assurances. He makes an appointment for first thing Monday and he tells us, it is then that he will euthanase JOK if his condition shows no improvement.

There is more improvement towards Sunday afternoon. JOK can now stand up for a short time before he flops back to the ground. The vagueness is slowly turning into awareness. By Monday morning he recognises me and is able to swallow small amounts of food and is drinking some water. He has lost a lot of weight just in those few days.

The vet was astonished to see how much JOK had improved, then tested his responses for a neurological assessment. The short term prognosis was good but predicted a relapse of siezures which JOK may not recover from due to his age.

The news was good but still devastating. The vet now had the difficult job of addressing a management plan with me. He took both JOK and I for a short walk on the lawn as he urged me to now consider a plan for a now ageing dog. I found it hard to accept because the way I was thinking was, it was all about how I was feeling and not about how JOK was feeling. In retrospect, I can see that the vet was educating me to care for JOK and for me to now consider the best for JOK and the quality of his remaining life.

The vet gave me some medication and showed me how to prepare the dosage of medication to render his next siezure manageable, or maybe, even avoid it. Both he and I knew that the last part of that statement was for my benefit. So I took him home with tears in my eyes. I’m not sure if the tears I shed was for JOK or for me but the responsibility now weighed heavily on my conscience. The next few days saw JOK slowly improve but I could see that he would never return to the agility and the active level of his past.

The following week passed slowly as if I was aware of his every painful move. I took him for a walk where he used to beat me to the top of the hill. I turned around to see him stop then struggle on. I walked across the cattle grid that not so long ago posed no problem finding the lateral stringers and now I had to pull him free from between them and set him on his shaky legs. I found it harder now to hold back the tears. And I still am not sure if I am crying for his loss or for mine.

For his sake I will be strong and cherish every moment we have together before the inevitable. I dare not think about what someone put to me, “Will there be another dog to replace JOK?” the answer would be NO thanks.

I don’t know if JOK has another one of these endurances left in him, and even more so, have I the strength to see him go through another ? I can’t answer that one. But I know, if I can’t manage to avoid or lessen the severity of the next one, then I will not let him endure another.

He trusts me to make good decisions no matter how hard they could be.

So I will ensure that we will have a fun packed day prior to saying goodbye…. and let go.